Felisa Rogers
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Day 10

3/26/2020

21 Comments

 
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Ten days indoors. We've been taking precautions for longer than  that, but they were sort of half-assed in the beginning and basically amounted to cancelling social plans and rampantly spraying disinfectant.

In the past ten days, I've left the apartment building four times. We've received four deliveries: Walmart groceries a week ago and then three yesterday--a red letter day. We got a CSA box, the guitar Poodles ordered, and a liter of rubbing alchohol.

Poodles has been revitalized by teaching himself how to play the guitar, (Fender is offering free online lessons) which has me thinking about self-imposed routine and how it can be a source of comfort and a way to prevent oneself from descending into rabbit holes.

I've been working from home for twelve years now, so I'm well-practiced in creating routines that help me manage my time and stay sane. At home, I don't follow a rigid schedule, but I do try for daily activities: exercise, meditate (off-brand, I know), sweep the entire house, prepare three meals, play with my cats, garden or do yard work, and of course my actual job.  In the morning, I drink coffee and read. In the evening, I drink wine and watch Netflix or Hulu. In other words, I'm boring, but I get shit done.

But when you live in a somewhat dilapidated house in the middle of nowhere, there's always a project or 300, which may range from the basic (splitting kindling) to the unexpected (trying to figure out what's wrong with the water system) to the esoteric (sorting through a collection of travel brochures from the 1950s that I found jammed in the back corner of a bookshelf.) So it's easy to stay busy and there's a certain amount of variety to my constructive activities.

Here, camped out in an apartment that is not my own, the range of potential activities is narrower. But I'm trying to create some kind of routine to keep myself from spending all of my time in an endless covid-19 web loop.

Unfortunately, I don't have a significant job to engage me. There's plenty of projects I could be working on, but none  have deadlines and they are all self-motivated. And I seem to be lacking motivation at the moment. The problem is that everything seems irrelevant in the face of the crises. For example, I want to write a book called The Other Mezcal, which would explore the history, culture, and politics of agave spirits made outside of Oaxaca, particularly raicilla. But for some reason it's hard to focus on topics unrelated to the pandemic. (Though no doubt the pandemic will change the landscape of the industry in question.)

So far I'm having spotty success with establishing a disciplined creative routine. I've been pretty good about meditating, working out, blogging, cooking reasonably well-rounded meals, and answering work email, but I keep "forgetting" to turn off the Internet for chunks of time so that I can focus on real writing.

I am better at the fun rituals. I've been watching friends' cracked out online videos, taking an afternoon "nap," voting on my favorite blog's annual worst fashion of the year bracket, and reading a lot of YA books by Maureen Johnson. At sunset, I make a cocktail and walk to the top story of the building, where there's a view of the sky. I look at the blinking clock on the torre latinoamerica and I survey Calle Isabel la Catolica to see if there's any discernible decline in pedestrian traffic. After that, things get really exciting as Poodles and I abandon our respective solo activities to eat dinner and watch one episode of ALF dubbed into Spanish.

I feel like I should be doing something grand. I feel like I should be focusing and kicking ass. But maybe it's okay that I'm just keeping my head above water and trying to enjoy myself?  I don't know.

Tell me about your routines...What is the difference between routine and habit, routine and ritual? What keeps you sane? What keeps you entertained?










21 Comments
Gen
3/26/2020 06:13:34 pm

I still get up by seven most days. The dogs have not yet figured out that the upside of a global pandemic might mean I get to sleep in till 8:30. It’s been more difficult this last week with the rain. I decided yesterday to make sure I put pants on by 10am. My pajamas aren’t really that comfortable, and I am already gardening in the worst shoes ever (12 year old converse with terribly knotted shoelaces), so why add bad pants to the mix?

I forgot to eat until 5 tonight, and I wasn’t as hungry as I expected to be. I’m not even bored with isolation food yet, this is a skill I picked up some where between the years of poverty and living in the country. I just forgot.

I like this life, though. I still work, but only as much as I need to. Some days more than others, some not at all. It’s supposed to be spring break, but I’m glad for the distraction when the email that requires my attention pops up.

More than setting a routine, I’m trying to pay more attention. What has been starved of my attention for months? What kind of things do I need to do to get through all this, but still avoiding grappling with scenarios that are more than three months out? Not only questioning what it is I can and cannot control, but questioning the need to control anything. I *should* be able to accomplish this, this, and this. I *should* be able to sleep in past seven. For my whole life, I’ve been bogged down by the things I should be doing. Now I am just trying to be more aware of the things I *am* doing.

End rant. <3

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Churpa
3/27/2020 12:54:05 pm

Gen, I love this. I'm interested to read how many people are finding some measure of peace and enjoyment in lock down. It makes me remember how fortunate I am in that this amount of free time and downtime is pretty normal for me. Yes, I work long hours under deadline, but I'm also used to making my own schedule and having time to do my own thing. For me, the benefit of lockdown has been getting to spend lots of quality time with "Poodles," who is usually an exceedingly busy person, and also a stronger sense of connection and communication with various other people (remotely).

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Chile
3/26/2020 06:14:21 pm

This will be a true test of your togetherness. Hang in there.

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Alyssa
3/26/2020 06:26:27 pm

Oh dear lord, that fashion link rips me from one dystopian reality into another. This just reinforces all of my beliefs that clothing designers detest the human species and wish to humiliate us and methodically degrade our spirit.

My reality is still largely unchanged: work, chores, squeeze in a little guitar and a walk in the evening. The situation lends a mental and emotional static that contributes to a difficulty focusing and a slightly nauseous unease. It probably doesn't help that my sleep schedule is completely whack right now. I woke up at 4 am for no good reason.

I'm thoroughly enjoying your documentation of the quarantine, if enjoying is the right verb...

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Churpa
3/27/2020 04:48:45 pm

Hahaha. Right?
It must be weird (and possibly annoying) to be continuing working and then see everyone else posting about sitting around in their pajamas...I'm sure you feel fortunate to have work, but still...

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Rachel Mercer
3/26/2020 07:31:03 pm

Like a lot of people, my life hasn't changed very much, excepted i'm way more stressed about work than i had been (and i'd already been stressed about that as starting your own business is freaking stressful) and there's all these odd reminders to wash hands, don't touch your face, wash your clothes more often.

Yesterday or this morning (already forgotten), i got up, was changing into jeans and tennis shoes to take the dogs on their 6:45 am walk when it hit me - "oh, fuck, the pandemic" - i'm finding myself forgetting (not sure that's good or bad).

I hate the saying but - i'm blessed right now, and I fucking know it. One of my neighbors died (unrelated to covid-19) and he was not only a really swell man that the entire town adores, he was a beloved middle school teacher (one of those rare ones that every kid likes). The family held a small gathering, less than 20 of them, last weekend. I helped with some food for them. It was so sad to just hand off some food and give like an air high five and know that not even the entire family could gather, let alone a proper memorial/funeral. His daughter told me that a lot of the family felt like it wasn't 'real' - which i know is common, but that's gotta be even more the case when you can't be present to say goodbye.

There's going to be so much of that.

Meanwhile, I'm just annoyed looking at people's facebook and jealous of their spring cleaning and clean houses now that they're quarantined and wishing i had some of that time.

This is a very long way of saying; what i'm doing the most is trying to keep perspective of the entire thing - the good (The little that there is) and the bad (without it letting it overwhelm me).

Meanwhile, i'll say.- Pets are probably keeping everyone sane. Unlike children they have no idea, what's going on and i can't fathom having to try to explain this to kids without freaking them the fucking out. But, they also need care, attention and routine that really keeps you functioning.

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Churpa
3/27/2020 04:51:42 pm

Yeah, that all makes sense...And I agree re: pets. I'm really missing Mick and Keith.

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Danell
3/26/2020 07:54:09 pm

Well I wrote a whole thing and it deleted... go figure.
But I thought of you today when I tackled one of those 300 projects that are on the list living where and how we do.
This consisted of going through the 12 totes of dress ups hidden in the upstairs attic(what Z called it) nook at my moms house.
Deep in the dust and the must I went through them all. I was filled with memories of the past, of the fun times dressing up. The country fair, the Mom’s beach parties, concerts and clubbing days of my past. I found many items of hand me downs from the fashion goddess Shayna Kai’s wardrobe. A terribly ugly plaid sweatshirt with patterns of golf clubs and bags worn only once to a wild party of yours.
I was able to rid of a lot of pieces and held on to the classics..my Bubbie’s old swim suit collection, countless pieces of lingerie and slips (clearly only worn for costume right?) a box of the way back old hippy stuff, some random vintage and of course the prom dresses. Oh and anything animal print!
And so that was the project that occupied a few of my hours today, resurfacing the memories and touching my heart. And of course, lessening the load....

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Tina
3/27/2020 09:42:57 am

Danell, sucha sweet recounting of the memories evoked from the costume boxes. You took me right with you!

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Churpa
3/27/2020 04:57:36 pm

Awww...That's beautiful and greatly improved my day...You guys have always had such strong costume game. Somewhere I have a picture of the snout sisters in matching pink and green nighties...And you killed it at that wild party. I remember when Rock Creek crew walked in and my jaw dropped. Speaking of which, I felt bad that I didn't give your mom better warning about the Coco Open! Maybe next year you guys can both be there. Good thing you saved the lingerie...xoxox

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Hannah
3/26/2020 09:56:57 pm

I think this is the Big Chill. Don’t sweat not being as productive as you think you should be.

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Churpa
3/27/2020 04:58:26 pm

Haha. I like that.

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Jerry
3/26/2020 10:15:19 pm

I still get up and make coffee by 6:30 or 7. The up side of not having to drive to town is that I can slack off and still be at my desk by 8 or 8:30 most days. Keeping me entertained is Melissa Ethridge doing a 3-4 song FB live everyday at 3. Way better than watching the utterly worthless WH propaganda briefings. Keeping me sane are walks with the dog at 4 or 4:30. I've come to appreciate the Collins as a basic cocktail. It works with whatever booze you've got laying around and the club soda makes your mixer go farther.

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felisa rogers
4/15/2020 05:00:04 pm

Good call re: the Collins! We ran out of limes for a week and I was having to get real creative with the cocktails...

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Chelsea McAlister
3/27/2020 09:10:51 am

A. I love this photo of you and not just because I took it.
B. Swinging wildly between productivity and anxiety attacks. I made myself a whole schedule for the week and then abandoned the schedule by about day 3.
Yesterday I decided to join the gig economy and signed up to deliver "essential goods" through an app called Gopuff which I think was created for stoners. Every order was alcohol (LOTS of White Claw and Rose being consumed in SE Portland apparently) and junk food. One order was graham crackers, a chocolate bar and marshmallows. I got to peek into people's homes for a minute and it was strangely comforting to see that no one is living their best life right now. They are doing about 15 minutes of work, spiraling out, then ordering booze on an app. They are bored and nervous. And that's ok.

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Churpa
3/27/2020 11:59:31 am

Chels, this made me laugh so hard. Also it made me feel better that I just had breakfast at 1 PM and am wearing my workout clothes even though I haven't worked out. Maybe we need to have another video happy hour or something. Hang tough. Oh! I just figured out what photo you were talking about! Good times. Mexico City back when it was bigger than Poodles's apartment.

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Steve Knight
3/27/2020 10:26:04 am

Lightheartedly, I think of that Monty Python movie. It was set during the Black Plague of Europe, when the death carts rolled through neighborhoods hollering “Bring Out Your Dead”. One chattering guy not dead yet but put out for pick up, gets clubbed to death so he will finally shut up.
I want to relate this to let you know everything is relative and it’s always darkest before the dawn.
When Jo died, it felt like the end of the world to me. It was earth shaking,with frightening changes, massive devastation and loss. It all seemed so wrong, so isolating and sad. It was totally incomprehensible for me that no one else seemed to experience it too.
In a funny way, even the worst case scenario of today’s “Global Crisis” seems like a walk in the park to me now. I know that thought, may be a hard one to swallow for many.

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Churpa
3/27/2020 05:00:07 pm

Ha re: Monty Python! I think it's true that those of us who have suffered great loss and/or deprivation...Well we certainly have the advantage in times of crises.
Sending love your way!

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Churpa
3/28/2020 07:57:19 am

Ha re: Monty Python! I think it's true that those of us who have suffered great loss and/or deprivation...Well we certainly have the advantage in times of crises.
Sending love your way!

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Evan
3/28/2020 12:41:40 pm

I've aspired to be much more productive myself. I also live a pretty isolated existence doing a lot of work online interspersed with farm chores. I'm also really lucky to have a full fridge, wood for the wood stove (it snowed the last few days) and actually several people around.

At the same time, I've never had my personal freedom limited this much. I've had reoccurring dreams my whole life about incarceration, and visualize a feeling of being "locked in" vividly at random times throughout my life typically.

In this case, suddenly the Italian state is going out of it's mind. In a country with a very ambivalent relationship to the law, the early scofflaw tendencies of the population have now devolved into roving police patrols, constantly changing decrees limiting movement (I'm technically not supposed to walk more than 200m from the house) and crazy Soviet-style citizen surveillance.

As I scroll through the millions of mindless memes, I was struck today by the old man filmed from a balcony on the streets of Napoli shouting "We survived the fucking Germans and now we're all locked up in our homes! Better one day as a lion than 100 as a sheep..." Which is exactly the problem, of course. This kind of attitude sunk Italy not only into this mess of the last month but really the mess of the last generation, with ever-more-creative approaches to skirting the law leaving all of us bound firmly in red tape. At the same time, I totally agree with this guy. What is all this really for? With so many people infected around us, who are we really saving at this point? Is this forced isolation, enriching Amazon and Zoom and allowing shock-doctrine capitalism to jump another 30 years into dystopia, really worth it?

I don't know. If you want to be motivation buddies on getting some writing done, I'm totally down. I bet we could even riff on some pretty interesting observations of how our upbringings prepared us for this moment if you don't want to diverge from the topic of the moment.

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