Felisa Rogers
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oEscape from Mexico City

4/11/2020

12 Comments

 
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A city is a glorious thing. The restaurants, the museums, the street carts, the grimy crannies that serve the most amazing food for $2, the gracious parks, the storied clubs, the dark bars, the jovial pubs, the elegant cafes, the endless markets, the tiny weird shops, the cobblers, the fishmongers, the street musicians, the sense that you might run into an amazing stranger...

A city stripped of all these wonders is a dangerous warren of concrete and stone. These days, the thought that you might run into a stranger is not titillating, but terrifying.  The last week I was in downtown Mexico City, I didn't go outside at all and I got pretty lazy about even walking up to the top story to watch the sunset.

It concerned me that I no longer even cared. In the afternoon, the sun would hit the narrow walkway outside the door and I'd think about trying to sit in it, but then I wouldn't. My  skin turned from tan to a nasty shade of yellow and developed acne. I thought it might be from lack of sunlight or maybe from stress.

I was trying to decide if I should stay or go, and it was deeply stressful. You see, I wasn't miserable in the apartment. I missed so many things abut the rest of the world. I was deeply worried for many of my friends and society at large.  But I had a sweet little routine and the best companionship. The apartment could feel stifling on occasion, but it more often felt safe and cozy. I had some work to attend to online and I felt compelled to cook and wash dishes. Other than that, I had no real responsibilities.

As a mildly agoraphobic person with social anxiety who often feels overwhelmed by the logistics of my life, it was peaceful to know that I didn't have to deal with anyone or anything. Other than Poodles, who was a comfort  and never-ending source of amusement.

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The best routines.

 I don't like airports and I have a near-phobia of customs agents and immigration. And I'm legitimately (overly) scared of the virus. So the idea of braving all those things to return to a life of solitude...Well, that didn't sound overwhelmingly appealing.  In fact, it sounded terrifying on every level. And I hated the idea of saying goodbye and not knowing when we'd reconvene. Thinking about it was like falling into a bottomless pit. I was also worried about my mom. If I stayed in Mexico, I'd be able to go help her if she got sick.

I didn't want to go. But of course there were reasons. Poodles made me feel welcome, but I worried about interloping on a relatively small, confined space for an indefinite period of time. I worried also that being inside so long might exacerbate my deppressive tendencies. I was also experiencing the occasional spell of claustrophobia, which, ironically, felt very similar to agoraphobia--a panicked feeling of not being able to breathe.

On the positive side, I already had a ticket home. My two cats were waiting for me, as well as my house and garden. And miles of woods and fields to roam. 

It was beyond bizarre to be faced with two such extreme and nonsensical options. In the end, I chose to leave.  It wasn't that I had better reasons to leave than to stay, but rather that I had to choose something. It almost felt like flipping a coin.

I'd given some thought to the morality of flying. But I felt okay on my end because I'd been so careful. I hadn't had contact with anyone other than Poodles in a week, and had only gone outside two or three times in the week before that. I was concerned for my friend Snowball, who had very kindly offered to pick me up at the airport. But I figured the virus wouldn't have a chance to really take root during my six hour trip and that at least my potential for contagiousness would be lower. I wore an outer layer of clothing I'd remove before getting into the car, and brought two masks. And of course I was completely obsessive with the hand sanitizer.

After a tearful goodbye to Poodles, I got into the cab, clutching my hand sanitizer and wearing my mask. The driver  showed me his mask, but said it was too hot to wear it. It was all downhill from there.

We'd seen posts on  social media from people traveling on nearly empty flights, and news stories were backing that up. So I was imagining that the airport would be creepily empty. I was wrong.

Terminal 2 seemed to be at abut 50% capacity, which is still a lot of fucking people. And only abut 10% were wearing masks. Few people seemed to be making any effort to keep their distance, and airport security decided it was necessary to paw through my backpack. The agent touched everything, including my food.

Security agents took my temperature by holding a wand above my head and asked me to fill out a form declaring I hadn't recently been to China, Italy, or Iran, but I didn't witness any other precautions.

The waiting area for my flight was crowded, and the flight turned out to be at about 75% capacity. Most people were not wearing masks, including a couple of the Delta attendants. As we filed onto the plane, I overheard two other Americans grousing about how many people were on the flight--apparently they'd flown a week ago and it had been empty. I ended up seated in a row with  another woman, though there was a set between us. At the outset of the flight, we were given ziplock bags of snacks and bottled water.

One advantage to spending three weeks inside the same four walls is that everything seems very interesting when you get out. On the cab ride to the airport, I'd been mesmerized to watch the half-empty city roll by. But my first glimpse of mountains nearly took my breath away. As we flew on over towers of whipped cream clouds and snowy plains, the beauty of the world seemed positively psychedelic.

Customs and immigration at Salt Lake City was fine, and I was relieved that I didn't have to get into a conversation with them about my suitcases full of tequila and valium. But I had to go back through TSA and they tore my carry-on apart again, taking 15 minutes to go through my stuff with a fine-tooth comb. And the airport didn't feel particularly sanitized. Smudges of god-knows-what besmirched the seats next to me in the waiting area. Very few people wore masks. All the TVs were blaring covid-19 horror stories as I cleaned my seat with an airplane bottle of rubbing alcohol.

I imagine other people's stories of nearly empty flights are valid, so I guess I just had bad luck on the draw. Twice. My flight from SLC to Oregon was at about 50% capacity, but the plane was tiny, so I was still sitting about two feet from another person. Again, hardly anyone was wearing masks.

Flying over Eugene, I looked down at the glittering lights of town dissipating out into the darkness where I live. And I wondered if I'd chosen correctly.

This pandemic is amplifying situations, forcing us all to make strange and seemingly unnatural choices.

What decisions have you been forced to make?
How are you dealing with sharing space?
How are you dealing with loneliness?














12 Comments
Tina
4/13/2020 05:41:33 pm

The last two days I haven't been dealing well with my situation. I'm making the choice to go out and buy food and supplies, the first time in over 3 weeks. I will be masked and gloved (giant purple latex!) and will wipe down supplies as they come into house. I hear the local super market is monitoring numbers of people in store and that staff are all masked and gloved. Proper distance is being encouraged. I will go at 8AM, not a popular shopping time in Mexico. But then I will start yet another uneasy 14 period of waiting to find out if I was infected. I am so glad you are more than halfway thru your 14 day quarantine. I like to imagine you at the creek, or sitting in "your" tree. Thanks for the writing! And I must say your hat is in the best of taste!

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felisa rogers
4/13/2020 06:10:26 pm

I'm worried about you going out to get supplies! Glad you are going so early. That should really help. And haha re hat!

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Hannah
4/13/2020 05:55:06 pm

Interesting that you felt it was almost a coin toss about whether to go. Good reasons on both sides of that issue, and such a tough call. I can relate to not everyone wearing masks. I wore one on my flight recently but found I had to take it off every now and again to drink water...did that defeat the purpose? Who knows? It’s an invisible enemy so it’s hard to stay vigilant.

For me in week 4 of shelter in place, the whole asymptomatic question is a big one, especially without any tests and never really knowing what’s dangerous and what’s reasonable. How responsible do I need to be? About once a week I ask myself: do I go to the store today, do I really have to, or should I stay home? Do I need to wear a mask outside with no one around? Do I really have to, or can I just stay really far away from anyone I see on the street? When you’re asymptomatic, and you’re wearing a bandana around your face and it slides off, and you begin to think, well, what’s the point anyway? Am I really saving lives right here? Or can I walk down the street without a face covering and enjoy this quotidian pleasure? It’s such a weird question to confront now, without any real end-date in sight.

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felisa rogers
4/13/2020 06:17:14 pm

Yeah, I know what you mean. When it comes to venturing outside, I'm of the mind to not put the mask on until I get within, say, 20 feet of someone. But who the fuck knows? I feel like I'm being way more careful than most people.

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Rachel
4/13/2020 06:02:36 pm

I'm glad you made it back safely.

What's interesting lately is that we're seeing actual TOURISTS here - or people coming HERE to quarantine. I knew that was a thing because i read articles about New Yorkers escaping and nearby towns saying 'no, get out' - or the rich feeling to their second homes, which is putting more pressure on small communities (like having enough commodities for the town since people are hoarding).

BUt didn't think about it happening here. IT is. And if you drive through downtown you wouldn't know there was a quarantine. Part of it, I understand and i'm guilty as well. It's warmed up, irrigation is on, so I'm also needing to grab parts and tools to fix things that always break over winter - but you can just tell people aren't very concerned about trying to stay home.

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felisa rogers
4/13/2020 06:19:49 pm

I went to Florence the other day to pick up my curbside grocery order and I noticed the same thing. Tourists were definitely out cruising. I imagine that some people are just out for a drive and taking care not t stop anywhere populous. But I'm sure some are stopping for snacks and whatnot. The parking lot at Fred Meyer was surprisingly full and I saw plenty of people going about like business as usual. It surprised me. This was my first foray out in the U.S., and I expected more of an apocalyptic look!

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Bonnie
4/13/2020 11:36:13 pm

I haven't left my house since last Friday. Planning to break quarantine next week for an essential store run and then start over again with the 2 week stay at home. I only wear a mask if I'm going into public, and spend my days entertaining my 5 year old and 8 month old. (Thank God for my children) sometimes I think I'm taking it all too serious, and by the weekend I feel panicky and become very overwhelmed by it all.. I miss my parents mostly....they're health and well being is really why I'm ok with with it all in the end. A short visit with them is part of my "essential" time out into the world. So we time our quarantines accordingly. My partner and I have many questions about whether we are doing things right, he does have to work daily, so navigating that is the most difficult. But we leave our clothes outside, no shoes in the house, lots of hand washing, and my kitchen and bathroom are cleaner than they have ever been.

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Felisa
4/14/2020 01:53:23 pm

It's good to hear from another person who is taking it as seriously as I am. I know what you mean about wondering if we are taking it too seriously...I don't think so, but that doubt adds to the stress. I was very weirded to be driving around Florence and see people acting like life is normal right now.

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Nancy Nichols
4/14/2020 05:52:44 pm

We've been taking it very seriously. It only hits us when we go into Eugene for one night a week so we can hit early morning geezer hour shopping. Then back to the rural isolation. Our life is different since Tom no longer works part time on campus, but each individual day in the woods seems normal.

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Churpa
4/15/2020 04:55:51 pm

Yeah, I know what you mean. The days do seem more or less normal out here, at least if I take them one day at a time.

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Alyssa
4/15/2020 06:17:04 am

I'm so glad you've made it safely. It must be hardest at times like this to have feet in two worlds that are separated by such a chasm.

My shopping trips have reduced to about once every two weeks but the store always seems busy when I go. They stopped selling my coffee in bulk, which annoys me, but at least I can still get it. I hate shopping anyway, so going less often isn't so bad. When the kids are back with me, I can't stretch out the time between trips so much. They eat everything. I sure hope I can have them back this weekend. Not having the kids just go back and forth between houses willy-nilly is definitely the biggest impact in my life from this virus.

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Churpa
4/15/2020 04:57:08 pm

I forgot to order coffee from Fred Meyer! I think I'm an imposter.

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